Expecting

My son got into college. I pulled the letter out of the mailbox on Christmas day. We had been up early to do Santa's presents and both had gone back to bed afterwards. I got up (again) and took the dog for his walk. I stopped by the mailbox on the way back in by habit. There it was, a big envelope from Indiana State declaring itself that it belonged on the fridge. I rushed back inside tears already streaming down my face. I shouted at my son. Another present had arrived and he should come open it!!! 

As we enter into the last semester of his senior year I can't help but be drawn back to the third trimester of my pregnancy. My body was full of baby and I could feel him flipping around like a fish in a bowl. It was a sweet time we had together. It was before I had ever said his name to him or yelled his name in frustration. 

I feel that way again. I'm expecting again. This time the delivery looks a lot different. A car trip down to Terre Haute. An unloading of stuff and things. Can he bring his computer seems to be his biggest question. 

I want to hold this moment here forever. This feeling of accomplishment when we are still attached in so many ways. What will the future bring for him? For me? This dependency we have developed on each other will shift. I started mourning this last year. This year I am planning. Planning a party. Planning the trips I will take as empty nester. Planning the visits I will make to his dorm room. I'm also praying. Praying that vaccines are distributed. Praying that the death count slows. Praying that he can go unhindered. 

 What are you planning and praying for?